As Dense as a Cloud
by girlinblue17
Summary: A series of one-shots showing why Cloud is as dense as a cloud. Mostly crackfics.:D
1. Chapter 1

"He is so!"

"So not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Okay, you two, break it up," Tifa Lockhart expertly separated Marlene and Denzel from each other before they came to blows.

"She started it!"

"Did not!"

Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Guys?" The two children's faces immediately fell, and they looked, shamefacedly, at Tifa, the woman who had served as their surrogate mother the past two years.

Tifa adopted a stern look, while she bubbled with laughter inside as she looked at the identical hangdog expressions of the kids. "What were you two fighting about?" When both remained silent, she turned to the little girl. "Marlene?" she prompted. She knew she had a bigger chance of getting her to talk than the little boy.

"Well, we were talking about what kind of cloud Cloud is."

Tifa couldn't help but chuckle. "What?"

"Well, we learned about clouds in school today, and we figured that we could match Cloud with a specific kind of Cloud," Marlene said matter-of-factly. "I said he's a Cirrus!"

"I'm a what?" Cloud asked, entering the children's room. He had obviously just come from his deliveries, if the smell of motor oil and the streak of grease on his cheek were any indication.

"I said you're a Cirrus cloud, Cloud!" Now that she started talking, Marlene seemed eager to explain their talk.

"And what is a Cirrus cloud, Marlene?" Tifa asked the little girl, her lips twitching.

"Well, they're clouds that kinda look like feathers! And didn't you say Cloud looks like a chocobo, Tifa? So Cloud's a Cirrus because chocobos have feathers!"

Tifa burst out laughing at the look Cloud gave her. "Well, it _is _true," she said defensively, even as she chortled. "I did say that you look like a chocobo."

"But he's not!" Denzel burst out.

"And what cloud do you think Cloud is, Denzel?" Tifa asked, ignoring the look Cloud threw at her.

"He's a Nimbus!" Denzel proudly announced.

"I think I'm going to regret asking this, but why am I a nimbus, Den?" Cloud asked.

"Because you're lumpy?"

"Or you're brooding all the time?"

Cloud gave Yuffie and Barret sour looks. "Who told you to come in, anyway?" He muttered.

"The door was open," Yuffie said breezily. "And since we're old friends," and here she conveniently ignored Cloud's snort, "We figured we could just come in."

"So what's this about Cloud being a cloud, poppet?" Barret asked, plopping down on Marlene's bed and welcoming the squealing girl on his lap.

"Well, Denzie and I learned all about clouds today in school, and we were thinking of what kind Cloud is."

"I still say he's a Nimbus," Denzel said stubbornly.

"Because he's emo?" Yuffie asked dryly, and was rewarded by a pillow thrown at her by Cloud.

"Well, he does wear black all the time, and when he rides Fenrir, it's kind of like the thunder, right?"

"Uh, huh," Tifa answered, nodding encouragingly at the little boy. He still had a tendency to shy away from speaking in front of people, so she tried to encourage him whenever he would take the chance to speak out.

"Well, I think he's a Cumulus!" Yuffie enthused.

"Now I definitely know I'm going to regret this," Cloud sighed, "but why am I a Cumulus, Yuff?"

"Because you're lumpy!" Only her quick ninja reflexes prevented her from being beaned by another pillow.

"I'm not lumpy, am I, Tifa?" Cloud whispered worriedly to Tifa, who shook her head and whispered "no" soothingly. Catching the exchange, Barret gave an evil smile, which was immediately caught by the other occupants of the room.

"Well, whatever kind of cloud Spiky is, we do know what makes him one," Barret announced, ignoring the warning look Tifa was giving him.

"And what's that?" Cloud asked wearily, hiding his face in one hand.

"He's dense!" Surprisingly, even Denzel and Marlene joined the chorus, and the four of them ran out of the room laughing, with Denzel closing the door behind him.

Silence reigned after the departure of the four. Tifa, her cheeks blazing, sat on one bed, not knowing what to say after that. _Those two! They set us up!_

"Uh, Tifa?"

"Why did they call me dense?"

xxx

Poor, poor Cloud. He's really as dense as a cloud.

Anyway, hope you liked it.:D Let me know what you think! I'm thinking about whether to leave this as a one-shot, or make this into a series of one-shots to show how oblivious Cloudy is.

Again, R&R, please! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

He is the savior and hero of the universe and the lifestream. He managed to survive all of the cruel tests of Hojo. He is the Bahamut Slayer, the one who managed to emerge from the GF's flare, an attack capable of decimating thousands, with nary a scratch. Most of all, he is known as Sephiroth's twice-bane, and the one who almost single-handedly defeated the silver-haired Remnants. He is also, at the moment, very, very unconscious.

"Cloud! Don't die! You can't die! There's still so much I need to tell you!" Those were the last words he heard, before he passed out completely.

When he came to, he saw himself surrounded by anxious faces. Yuffie, for the first time since he'd met her, wasn't wearing a mischievous grin, but was instead chewing her lower lip worriedly. Nanaki was giving him a solemn, concerned stare, no easy feat for a non-human. He noticed then that another beast, this one purple, stood beside the creature formerly known as Red XIII. Evidently, Vincent had sensed danger, and thus transformed accordingly. A testament of Cid's anxiety was the unlit cigarette on his mouth, forgotten. Cloud's eyes then went to Barret, who, for a split-second, also had the same facial expression on his face until he saw the swordsman's gaze at him, and then he began blustering, "It's about time you opened your %$*! eyes, Spiky! You are a *&^%..." Cloud's attention had moved on to the next person though, so he was only half-aware of the man's curses and worried words. Fuzzily, he moved on to Reeve, who by some stroke of miracle was able to get out of WRO and was unconsciously stroking his beard, a clear sign of stress over the impromptu fainting session. His eyes then went to Denzel and Marlene, who gave him uncertain smiles. As he was about to return a weak grin, his gaze suddenly landed on Tifa, who hovered worriedly over the kids, and he promptly passed out again.

Barret erupted into curses again, ignoring Yuffie slapping him on the head and her "Not in front of the kids!" hiss. Cid, however, chuckled, and proceeded to light up the forgotten cigarette. Taking a drag out of the stick, he drawled, "He could handle Sephiroth and all the other monsters we faced, but he collapses when he finds out he's about to be a daddy? You sure you weren't drunk with one of your creations when you said you'll marry this guy, Teef?" Amidst the hoots and the laughter her friends gave, the bartender only reddened.

xxx

Because some people requested I make a series out of this.:P Here's the next chapter, I hope you like it!

Oh, the stories in this series can serve as standalone tales or they can be connected together, but they don't necessarily have to follow in sequence, ok?

Anyway, please leave your reviews and let me know what you think. I'm hoping the plot in this drabble is clear enough, it might be too short that it doesn't make sense anymore. I don't think this really qualifies as a "Dense Cloud" moment, but w/e.:p

Oh, and thanks to R E C R A P T O R, Snipergal7, Angelgirl651, Rend, and Aeriths-Rain for the reviews!:D


	3. Chapter 3

Three shadows waited in the dark, eagerly anticipating the arrival of the swordsman. When he finally went through the door, one of the shades moved and turned on the light, prompting the blond to draw his Buster sword and aim it at the one who moved before his eyes focused and saw who it was.

Cid Highwind took a drag from his cigarette, completely unaffected that a large blade had been aimed at his face only seconds before. "If you're gonna pull that out, ya better make sure you have plans to use it, boy," he muttered, even as he exhaled smoke.

"What the *%& you think you doin', Spiky? We just wanted to know what happened on your da- What the hell happened to _you_?" Barret Wallace's eyes weren't as good as the others', and it took him a few seconds to notice the bump on the head, a black eye, and a clear handprint on Cloud's face, as well as a boot print on his shirt, as well as the rips and dirt on the rest of his clothes.

"Wow, kid, I didn't know you liked it rou-," Cid started to chuckle, before Cloud's glare cut him off.

"So what happened?" Vincent asked, his voice gravelly, whether from lack of sleep or from disuse. Years in a coffin does strange things to a man's vocal cords.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Cloud muttered, making his way to the room he shared with the pilot, but the large imposing frame of Barret Wallace obstructed his path.

"Oh no you don't, Spiky!" The man with the gunarm neatly pivoted to block Cloud and was gratified by the look of annoyance on the swordsman's face. The blond tried to move to the side, but Barret moved again, his moves surprisingly swift for a man his size. He gave the smaller man an evil grin.

"Why do you want to know, anyway?" Cloud said, not bothering to keep the frustration out of his voice.

"Because we're nosy," Cid said bluntly, taking another drag from his cigarette.

"Even you, Vincent?" Cloud tried to make his voice as pitiful and beseeching as possible. _Surely he isn't as crazy as these two!_

"I'm bored, and it passes the time," the gunman said in his monotone voice. _Traitor!_

"And you're not gonna let me pass until I tell you what happened," Cloud said. It wasn't a question, but a statement. His tone was already defeated.

"Nope."

"Not a chance."

"Not even if you showed us Hojo dancing the hula."

The three men gave Vincent a funny look. "Why would you want to see Hojo dancing the…" Cloud started, before Barret cut him off.

"Enough with yer %$&* yappin'! Just tell us what happened already!"

"Fine," Cloud grumbled, and plopped down beside Vincent. "Actually…" Curiously, his usually blank expression changed, and a confused look passed across his face.

"Actually what?" The three other males in the room were not used to seeing an actual facial expression on the swordsman's face, and as one, they leaned forward eagerly.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you guys for your opinion about what happened," Cloud reluctantly admitted.

"Yeah?"

"Okay, so first we went to Event Square. You know how the place is always closed?" Now that Cloud started talking, he seemed eager to tell them his story, and he barely waited for the small nods the three men gave before he continued. "Well, it wasn't closed tonight, and they had this special event going on. Somehow, me and Aerith…"

"I."

Cloud looked strangely at Cid. "What?"

"'Aerith and I', not 'me and Aerith'. Your grammar's off."

Cloud gave the pilot an incredulous look. "Are you seriously correcting the way I talk right now?"

"Yep. No time like the present to correct a young 'un's speech."

"SHADDAP! Do y' really wanna talk about yer nouns and con… Cond… Condjoo…"

"Conjugations?" Vincent inserted helpfully.

Barret gave him a dirty look. "The way you talk! This ain't the right time or place to talk 'bout that!"

"Fine!" Cid waved off his objection.

"Anyway, me and Ae… Aerith and I", and Cloud gave Cid a dirty look, which the pilot pretended not to notice, "Somehow got tripped into a play, and I ended up kissing a dragon."

Silence, and then…

"Wait, you kissed a dragon?"

"Not a real one," Cloud said defensively. "Just a guy in a dragon suit."

"… You kissed a guy in a dragon suit."

"Just the hand!"

"You kissed the hand of a guy in a dragon suit."

"Well, if you put it that way…" Cloud started scratching the back of his head, a sure sign of confusion and embarrassment.

"Why?" Vincent asked, his tone even drier than usual.

"Well, someone in the backstage was whispering that I needed to kiss someone, so I figured the dragon was…"

"And you didn't even think about kissing _Aerith_?" Cid asked.

Cloud gave them a look, both surprised and confused at the same time. "No. Why would I?"

The three did synchronized facepalms. "Is that where you got the bump on your head?" Barret asked.

"No, she slapped me on the face then. I got the bump when we were on Speed Square."

"What, pray tell, did you do on the Speed Square?" Cid asked.

"You know how you shoot things on Speed Square, right?" The three nodded. "So I told Aerith that her aim was so off, even a blinded adamantoise would be a better shot."

"You what?"

"Seriously!" Cloud exclaimed, oblivious to the shocked expressions on his companions' faces. "It was so bad that she didn't even land a single hit on one of those big balloons! And those were _huge_! So I told her about how Teef used to have this really good aim with her pellet gun when we were kids." An odd look passed over Cloud's face then, but the three were too busy stifling their laughter.

Barret fought to keep his mouth from twitching. "And then what happened?"

"So she asked me, 'Why doesn't she use a gun then?'" Cloud gave an uncanny imitation Aerith's high-pitched voice, and the other three men snorted, even Vincent. "And I said she doesn't really need a weapon to fight, like that stick thing she uses."

"Bet she loved that," Cid muttered to Vincent, who nodded.

"So she hit yer head and then punched you in the eye?"

"Oh no, the black eye was when we were at the chocobo races."

"And what did you do at the chocobo races?" Vincent asked, his tone even graver than usual.

"Nothing!" Cloud exclaimed. "I just said that seeing the chocobos reminded me of Tifa, because _she _said my hair looks like a chocobo."

"Well, it kind of does…" Vincent started, but Cloud cut him off.

"Oh, come on! It doesn't, and I told Aerith that! I said that Tifa's been teasing me about looking like a chocobo since we were kids. She even gave me this toy chocobo on one of my birthdays that she made herself." There was no mistaking the animation on Cloud's face this time. His eyes practically twinkled when he talked about the bartender.

"Oh?"

"Yep! She even knitted the feathers herself. They were kinda lopsided, but that's what made it cute," Cloud added.

"And you told Aerith that?"

"Yep. Because she asked."

"… Right."

"So she asked if I wanted her to make something for me, and she kinda batted her eyelashes at me when she said that."

"So what did you say?"

"I asked if she got something in her eye. Are you okay, Barret?" Cloud suddenly asked, seeing the man choking on the side.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Get on with yer story," Barret replied, his face red as he wheezed. Cloud could have sworn he heard "dumbass" in one of those coughs, but he paid no attention to it. No one really coughs "dumbass" normally, so he must've just heard it wrong.

"And then what happened?"

"So we went to the gondola next."

"And what happened on the gondola?" Cid asked, waggling his eyebrows.

"It was nice, I suppose." Cloud was oblivious to the meaning behind Cid's undulating eyebrows. "We got to see Golden Saucer, and there were fireworks."

"And…" Vincent prompted.

"And then there were stars, so I told Aerith about the promise I made to Tifa at the well." Cloud suddenly had that dreamy look on his face again. "I told her that I would protect Tifa no matter what happens."

"And what did she say about that?"

"Well, she gave me a dirty look, but before she could say anything, the chocobo racers passed by us again."

"And…" This time, it was Cid who prompted.

"And so I told her again about the chocobo toy that Tifa made me. It was really cute, kinda like Ti- Anyway, it was really cute and goofy, and if you squeeze it, it warks, and I told her so."

"Who, Tifa?" Barret asked, confused.

"No, Aerith!"

"So what did she say?" Vincent asked.

"…She kicked me out of the gondola."

The three men couldn't restrain it anymore, and gave loud belly laughs.

"It's not funny being tossed out of the gondola," Cloud grumbled. "It hurt!" His exclamation only made the three laugh harder, Vincent reaching his eyes with his claw to wipe away the tears.

"Ah, Cloud," Cid choked out, still laughing.

"So I was wondering if you guys could tell me why Aerith got mad at me," Cloud asked, scratching the back of his head again.

Silence fell, and then…

"You're kidding, right?"

"Are you blind, Spiky?"

"Cloud, I've been in a coffin for more than a decade, and I've had the girl I like get stolen by someone like Hojo and even I know what the heck you did wrong!"

"So what is it?" Cloud asked, his tone confused. As one, the three gave simultaneous facepalms again and headed out the door. "Guys? Guys!" Cloud sighed loudly when they closed the door behind them. "Fine, be that way." He reached inside his bag for a little yellow ball. "At least I still have you."

"WARK!"

xxx

Before Aerith fans strangle me, let me just say that I have nothing against her. It just so happens I want to pick on Cloud more.:D

RLoli and Shoot My Tongue: Thanks!:D

NekoDoodle: Yeah, it is sad. What happened to him and Zack got me thinking… If the two of them were able to escape from Shin-Ra (instead of Zack being gunned down), the FF7 events would've been really, really different. 

Again, reviews are really, really appreciated.:)


	4. Chapter 4

A blond man roared to Edge on his motorcycle. He made for the center of the town, taking no notice of the banners and posters hanging all over the place. When he reached his destination, he turned off the engine and swung his leg off the motorcycle, walking toward "Seventh Heaven". Dimly, he noticed a large group of people hanging around his home, and he idly wondered if they were waiting for the bar to open. He headed straight to a dark-haired woman, who was currently wearing a conical hat at the top of their head and laughing at something a large man beside her was saying.

"Oi, he's finally here!" A light blond man announced, waving at the new arrival.

"Hey, Cloud!" The people around him greeted, and again, he was struck at the sheer number of persons in the vicinity. It was then he noticed that there were benches and tables outside Seventh Heaven, as well as the balloons, so he asked the first thing that came to mind.

"So Teef, are you expanding Seventh Heaven and this is the opening party?"

Silence followed his question. Cloud scratched his head at his question's reception.

"You're not serious are you?" Yuffie blurted out.

"Well, yeah," Cloud answered.

"Cloud, look around you," Barret said slowly, as though talking to a small child. "Is there anything you want to tell Tifa?"

"Well, I just asked her if she's expanding Seventh Heaven," Cloud answered just as slowly.

"Not that, you $#%! I mean something else!" Barret answered, swearing loudly.

"Look around, you oaf!" Yuffie hissed. "You're forgetting something!"

"You know, something you have to tell Tifa?" Cait Sith prodded.

Dimly, Cloud looked around. He saw the bright-colored balloons decorating the area and the party hats worn by the people. He saw the streamers and posters that cheerily announced "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TIFA!" Finally, he saw the huge amount of food on the tables. He brightened.

"Oh, now I know!" He announced brightly. "I remember!"

"Yes? What is it?" Tifa asked, smiling expectantly.

"Tifa, I forgot the milk you asked for!"

"…"

That day, the people of Edge saw the full force of Tifa's Final Heaven, and knew then to never try to cheat her for a free drink in the bar.

xxx

ffangelwing: Request granted.^_^ Hope you like this one too!

cookies18: Glad you liked it!:D I couldn't shake off the mental image of an adamantoise missing a shot, and I just had to put that in the story.:p

sakR9: I'm glad you're liking the one-shots!:D I think I got my idea of a dense Cloud after I read this Ultimania translation that said Cloud didn't know that two girls were practically fighting each other for him during the FF7 events. Tsk. Dense, dense, Cloud. Tifa would've probably understood why he fainted, since she's probably used to Cloud doing the silliest things all over Seventh Heaven with the

RLoli: WAAARK!XD

shynsei: Thanks!

Again, please read and review! Much love to those who do.:D


	5. Chapter 5

Tifa padded down to the bar, trying to stay as quiet as possible. It was barely dawn, the sky more navy than pastel in tone. The bar itself was covered in darkness save for the light emanating from a single bulb on the corner, a silent warning to robbers not to try to sneak in the house as there are occupants there, not that there were foolish enough thieves who would try to rob a home known to be owned by two of the world's heroes. As she headed towards the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the other occupants of the house, she sighed happily to herself. Tifa had come to enjoy these early hours to herself, as these allowed her a short moment to think. It was only when she was about to turn the corner did she notice that she wasn't alone in the bar. She immediately took a defensive stance, but relaxed when she saw who it was.

"Hey, Cloud. Couldn't sleep?"

"Not really." It was several moments before Cloud replied, but Tifa was used to it, just as she was accustomed to ask more questions before he gave her an answer she was satisfied with.

"So what's up?"

"… Zack and Aerith went and talked to me yesterday."

"Oh." It was awkward at first, but Tifa had also come to accept that their deceased friends sometimes had conversations with Cloud. It made him less guilty, and for that, she was thankful (although it made her smoke incense sticks in the bathroom before she took a bath just in case Zack decided it would be a good hangout spot.) "So what did they say?"

"Well, they said I was dense."

Tifa smothered a laugh. It would not do to giggle at a time when Cloud was being serious. "Why did they say that?"

"Dunno," Cloud answered, giving a shrug. He looked at Tifa then. "Hey, Teef. Can you help me figure out the rest of what they said?"

Tifa sat down across from him. "Sure. What did they say?"

"Well, they said that I have to tell something to a dark-haired girl."

Tifa cleared her throat. Thoughts suddenly began forming in her head, and her cheeks began blooming rosily. Silently, she thanked the darkness for hiding her blush. "Go on."

"And they said that that something involved a ring."

_A ring! _More thoughts flew in her mind, and if possible, her cheeks turned redder. _Thank you, Zack and Aerith! _"So what do you think they were saying?"

"Hmmm…" Cloud sighed, and became silent. Tifa was about to begin despairing that Cloud wouldn't have an answer for her when he suddenly gave a shout and jumped up. "I know!"

"So what is it?"

"They're telling me to help Yuffie train for her upcoming triathlon at Wutai's jogging oval! Thanks for listening, Tifa! I know Yuff would love the help!" Whistling to himself, he headed out the door, leaving the confused martial artist staring after him.

xxx

**Epilogue**

_This is all your fault! _Aerith elbowed her boyfriend.

_My fault? I told him what you instructed! _Zack argued. _Besides, you told me to be subtle!_

_But it's _Cloud! _He doesn't know subtlety even if it came up to him waving Sephiroth's Masamune! _

_Fair enough, _Zack shrugged, and then chuckled.

_What's so funny? _Aerith demanded.

_Heh. Fair. That's me. Heh._ Zack chuckled again.

_Ugh, men! _Aerith flounced off, leaving Zack laughing to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

The tunnel was dark, save for the dim ray of light coming from the staircase. The aforementioned light was made even dimmer by the two dark shadows moving down the tunnel slowly, whispering in short, rapid bursts.

"Yuffie, are you _sure _this is a good idea!"

"Of course I'm sure, Teef! We need to get Vinnie out of here, and he won't go willingly. Now, let's go!"

At this, the smaller shadow, the one who had just spoken, felt for something on the wall. She must have found what she was looking for, because she gave a triumphant "Aha!" before she wrapped her hands on something on the surface. The object, a rusty metal ring, turned out to be a door handle, one the young woman pulled. Nothing happened. After a few seconds' of whispered consultation, the other young woman wrapped her own hands around the metal ring and both tugged. Eventually, with the hinges creaking and complaining, the door finally opened. Without pausing for breath, the slighter of the two women slid in as soon as the opening was wide enough, with the other form close behind her.

"I really don't think this is a good idea…" The young woman identified as Tifa muttered once again. Her worry was not without basis, as the two of them were standing beside a shadowy form that eerily resembled a coffin, their only source of the light in the room flickering candles.

"C'mon, Teef! Don't tell me you're scared?" The younger of the two scoffed. In contrast to Tifa's whispered comments, Yuffie's were as loud as it can be, her voice echoing and bouncing off the walls. "What's there to be scared of? Vincent's our friend!"

"Well, yeah, he is, but…" Tifa whispered.

"But nothing! We're going to invite – or force – Vinnie to go with us to the picnic, and that's final!" Saying this, Yuffie fearlessly walked to the coffin and rapped smartly on the surface. "Vinnie! Vinnie! Open up! It's us!"

"You don't have to yell, Yuffie!" Tifa hissed, attempting to pull Yuffie away from the coffin, but Yuffie shrugged her hand away.

"Vinnie! C'mon! Open up!"

"Are you even sure he's here?" Tifa asked, her tone even more worried.

"Sure I'm sure! See?" Before Tifa could stop her, Yuffie had picked on the locks and thrown the lid open. "See? There's Vinnie!"

"Oh Gaia," Tifa moaned. Sure enough, there was someone lying on the coffin. A dark-haired, red-and-black-clad someone. Vincent Valentine _is _someone Tifa considers as a friend, but she knows full well how the young man – old man – man (Tifa couldn't decide which one described Vincent) didn't take too kindly to being disturbed while he slept. That, and those rumors about vampires in the ShinRa mansion… Tifa gave another involuntary shudder.

Oblivious to Tifa's unease, Yuffie had begun to poke Vincent solidly on the arm. "Vinnie! Hey, Vinnie! Wake up! Hey, Vinnie! Stop ignoring us!"

"Yuffie! He's too busy sleeping! Let's get out of here!"

"Oh, come on! He's just pretending to be asleep! Right, Vinnie? Wake up!" And Yuffie poked him again for emphasis.

"Yuffie!" Tifa all but moaned. "Seriously, we need to get out of here, okay? Or…"

"Or you'll what?" Yuffie smirked at the martial artist.

"Or I'll tell everyone you're in love with that guy you're poking!"

Yuffie was expecting just about anything but that, and her jaw fell at Tifa's exclamation. "You wouldn't dare!" she gasped out.

"It's true, isn't it?" Tifa said, a grin appearing on her lips in spite of her nervousness. "You're in love with Vincent!"

"Fine! I admit it!" Yuffie harrumphed.

"I knew it!" Tifa crowed. "And you said it while you're in front of him too!"

"Fat chance that would do me any good. As you so kindly pointed out, the guy's still sleeping," at this, Yuffie threw a dirty look at the prostrate man, as though challenging him to wake up and start tapdancing all over the room. "And secondly…"

"And secondly, he's denser even than Cloud," Tifa finished the sentence for Yuffie, who nodded glumly. The long-haired woman gave the ninja a sympathetic look. It wasn't their fault they managed to fall in love with the densest men in Gaia. "Hey, chin up. One day, he's bound to notice you. Anyway, it doesn't look like he's going to wake up anytime soon. He now has a phone, so what say you that we just call him and invite him for tomorrow's picnic?"

"Might as well," Yuffie said, sighing. The two turned and headed out the door, pulling the complaining, whining rusty contraption behind them.

Vincent waited until the door snapped solidly shut before opening his eyes and sitting down. Breathing a deep sigh of relief, he thank the gods that he had someone like Cloud on the team who was so dense that the girls assumed he represented all of the guys on the face of the Planet.

xxx

For the person who requested a Vincent Valentine story in this series.:D Sorry it took so long!


	7. Chapter 7

"Tifa, no!"

The dark-haired young woman spun around to find a blond man running down the stairs after her. "Cloud?" Tifa asked, her tone confused. "What's wrong?"

"Tifa!" Cloud gasped out. "Tifa, don't leave me!"

A look of understanding and then of consternation passed across the young woman's face. "Cloud…" She started, then stopped. Swallowing, she spoke again. "Cloud, I'm sorry, but I can't."

"But why?" Cloud choked out. "Tifa, no, please! Don't leave me!"

"'m sorry, Cloud, but I can't stay." Tifa's voice grew stronger. "You did this before. It's my turn now."

"But… I learned from my mistakes! Did I do anything wrong again? I'm really trying to move on. You know I am!"

Another look of confusion appeared on her face. "Yes, I know that, but…"

"Am I not good enough for you? Tifa, I can change! Just promise me you won't leave me!"

"Wait, are those tears in your…" Tifa started, but she was interrupted by the blond man.

"Yes, Tifa! I'm not ashamed to say that I'm crying! I can't… I can't bear the thought of losing you!"

"…"

Cloud lifted his head, his eyes wide at Tifa's unresponsiveness. "Tifa… Tifa, how can you be so heartless! Here I am begging you to stay, and you don't even say anything!"

"…"

"Is it the hair? I can change my hair! I can even dye it as bright as Reno's!"

"…"

"Or shave it or braid it like Barret's!" Cloud's voice now rose to a very high pitch.

"…"

"Is it Fenrir? I can paint Fenrir neon green! You know I can!"

"…"

"Fine, don't say anything! Just… Just don't leave!" And here, Cloud started bawling again, throwing himself at Tifa's feet and hugging her legs, nearly knocking her to the ground. The young woman struggled to pull herself away from the blond man, clinging to the doorknob to try to keep her balance, but the swordsman kept a firm hold on her legs. Exasperated, Tifa aimed at Cloud's gut and kicked him, not hard enough to do serious damage, but strong enough to loosen his death grip on her.

"For Gaia's sake, Cloud! I'm just going to the marketplace to pick up some groceries! I'll be back in an hour!"

"The… The marketplace?" Cloud asked, gaping at Tifa again from his position on the floor, one hand still grasping an ankle."

"Yes, Cloud, the marketplace!" Tifa huffed. "You know, the place where we get our food?"

"Oh. Right. The marketplace."

"Unless you want to be hungry."

"Um, no. I don't think I want to be hungry."

"Well if that's the case, let go of my leg!" Tifa growled.

Tifa looked down at where Tifa was pointedly looking at, and saw his hand still tightly wrapped around her ankle. "Oh. Oh!" Blushing at what his eyes clapped on, he instantly let go of her ankle and got to his feet, blushing slightly even as he kept his head down.

"Well?"

"…"

"Cloud?"

"…"

"I'm waiting."

"Sorry, Tifa," came the whisper.

"Apology accepted." After saying this, the smile that was threatening to appear since Cloud wrapped his arms around her legs finally emerged. "Oh, Cloud, you are so cute at times. You know I won't leave you, right?"

"I know you won't leave me," came the small-voiced whisper again. After a few seconds, Cloud raised his head and looked at Tifa meekly. "I know you won't leave me, but…"

At the sight of Cloud's puppy dog eyes, Tifa burst out laughing. "Fine, I won't leave you. You can go with me to the marketplace."

As they headed out the door, Cloud grasped Tifa's hand. "Thanks, Teef," he whispered, giving her a small smile.

Tifa smiled in return. "You're welcome, Cloud. Oh, and by the way, remind me to drop by the salon before we head home."

This time, it was Cloud who wore a confused expression. "The salon? What for?"

"So you can dye your hair as bright as Reno's as you promised, silly!"

xxx

And I'm back! Sorry for being gone for a long time. I haven't had any fanfiction ideas, so I couldn't update any of my stories. Hope you like these two one-shots!


	8. Chapter 8

"Cid?"

The grizzled pilot looked up from the car he was repairing, a ferocious frown on his face. "Who the $&* would block my sun? It's my damn sun and I'm about to…" Squinting his eyes, he could barely make out a spiky-haired young man, the cause of the shadow. "Cloud? What's yer problem, boy? You know that I don't like being disturbed when I'm in my workroom!"

Cloud scratched the back of his head with one hand, a sure sign that the young swordsman was in trouble. "Well, yeah, I know that, but…"

"But what?" Cid prompted, still glaring at the blond.

Cloud took a deep breath, but even so, it took him a while before he spoke. "Well, I kinda need help," the young man confessed, looking at everything else except at the man he was talking with.

In spite of himself, Cid's curiosity piqued. It wasn't common for Mr.-I-Can-Save-the-World-Myself-So-Go-Away-and-Leave-Me-Alone-With-My-Buster-Sword to ask for help. "Yeah?" He said, his frown dropping a little.

"Well… You know you and Shera are… Well, you know…" Cloud mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Which Shera are you talkin' about?" Cid asked, an eyebrow raised. "'Cause if ye're talkin' about my airship, I'll have you know that all those stories about me and the airship aren't true and…"

"Not that Shera!" Cloud said, his voice annoyed. "I meant the other one!"

"Well, what about her?" Cid asked, his expression was confused at first, but then he frowned. "Are you havin' those kinda thoughts about my _wife_, Spikey? Because if you are, I'm gonna grab my trident right now and…"

"I don't care about Shera, I care about Tifa!" Cloud half-yelped, half-growled in irritation.

"Oh!" Cid's anger suddenly turned into a full-fledged grin. "Oho!"

"Fine, fine," Cloud growled. "Go ahead. I know you're not gonna shut up until you get it out of your system."

"Oho!" Cid exclaimed again, his grin wider than ever. "Took ya long enough, boy!"

Cloud glared at the pilot.

Undeterred by the glare, Cid's grin grew even wider, his wide smile threatening to pop out of his face. "So you like her, huh? You love her?"

Glare.

"So are you gonna pop the question?" Cid asked, wiggling his eyebrows and nudging Cloud on the ribs with an elbow. "Get the old ball and chain? Tie the bonnet?"

Cloud glared harder. "I only wore a bonnet that one time, and you know it!"

"I meant ask her to marry you, you idiot!" Cid shouted, but his face still bearing that wide grin. "You finally decided to ask her to marry you!"

"Yes!"

"Well, so what's the problem? You propose, she accepts, you two get married and have lots of annoying little brats that can punch as hard as they can kick, and you'll live disgustingly happily ever after."

"I wish it was as easy as that," Cloud mumbled.

"Well, so what's the problem?"

"I don't really know how to ask her," Cloud confessed. "Heck, I don't even know if she loves me like I love her."

Cid gaped at Cloud, his expression incredulous. "If you think that boy, you're denser than I thought."

Cloud looked at Cid in irritation. "So how did you do it? How did you court Shera?"

Cid grinned, his eyes softening in remembrance of the recent past. "Well, you know, old-fashioned wooing and all… Give her flowers and candy, you know, giving her compliments, that sorta thing."

Cloud narrowed his eyes in thoughts. "Flowers, candy, compliments…" He recited slowly. "Alright, I'll try it your way. Wish me luck." Without another word, Cloud turned around and headed for the door.

"Good luck!" Cid called out after the blond man. "And close the damn door!" He yelled as an afterthought.

xxx

A week has passed since Cid's talk with Cloud. Personally, the pilot was pleased with himself for giving good advice and was only waiting for the call from Seventh Heaven to invite him to the wedding.

He did get a call, but not in the way that he expected.

He was in the workroom again when Shera peeked in. "Cid?" She asked. There was something about her tone that made him pause. "Are you busy?"

"Not really, just doin' a little bit of fine tuning," Cid replied. "What's going on?"

"Tifa called. She wants to talk to you dear." Shera paused. "And she doesn't sound happy."

A confused expression appeared on the pilot's face. Tifa? Not happy? Is that even possible? Given that the swordsman was about to propose marriage any day now, he would have thought that the martial artist would be happier. "Alright, she still on the line? Never mind, I'll just call her." In so saying, Cid trudged his way to the house and headed for the telephone. No sooner did the Seventh Heaven phone did someone pick it up.

"Cid?" The voice was deceptively soft, although a bit muffled.

Cid gulped. "Tifa?" he asked meekly. He heard that tone before. When Tifa spoke that way, it was usually followed by a roundhouse or an uppercut. "You sound strange."

"Never mind that," came the voice again. "Cid, what exactly have you been telling Cloud?"

"Er… Hehe. Funny thing, really, but…"

"I don't really see what's funny about it," Tifa said, cutting him off. In his mind's eye, Cid imagined Tifa, leaning by the bar counter with her teeth clenched. The pilot didn't want to admit it, but Tifa intimidated him. He wasn't used to women fighting back, and Tifa not only could fight back, she could beat the crap out of you with one hand tied behind her back. "Do you know why Cloud's acting weirdly?"

"Er… How weird is weird, exactly?" Cid hedged.

"Well, let's see…" Tifa said, her tone still in that scary sing-song manner. "First, he stuck a lollipop on my hair. I couldn't get rid of the damn thing for hours, and he did it just as I was about to open the bar."

"Oh."

"Do you know how hard it is to serve drunk men with a lollipop stuck on your hair, Cid? Do you know how many of them tried to pull it out or tried to lick my head?"

"Erm, can't say I have."

"Not yet, you haven't," Tifa muttered.

Cid gulped. "Has he done anything else?"

"Now that you mention it… He struck flowers in front of my face the other day."

"Well, that doesn't sound bad. Women like flowers." No reply. "Right, Tifa?" He asked, his tone worried.

"I would have liked it… If not for the fact that it's poison ivy flowers."

"Oh!"

"Yes, Cid. Oh!" Tifa mimicked. "Oh. My face is still swollen. I can barely talk and eat because my lips are puffed up."

_So that explains the muffled voice_, Cid thought, his heart sinking.

"Cid? Are you still there? I'm still waiting for an explanation."

"Well, the thing is… Er…" He was saved from replying by the sound of the door slamming in Seventh Heaven.

"Tifa?" he recognized Cloud's voice. "Who have you been talking to?"

"No one!" Tifa replied quickly.

"Okay," came Cloud's voice again. "Erm, how are you feeling?" The swordsman sounded timid. In spite of himself, Cid chuckled. It was rare to hear the young man out of his element.

"Aside from the fact that I feel like my face has been attacked by a hundred wasps, I feel peachy."

"Sorry," came Cloud's voice again.

"It's okay," Tifa said wearily. "You didn't really know it was poison ivy, anyway."

A few seconds of awkward silence followed before Cloud spoke. "Tifa?"

"Uh huh?"

"Did I ever tell you that you punch like a guy?"

"_What?_"

Cid groaned. Leave it to Cloud to mess up all of his instructions.

"I'm serious!" Cloud said, his voice sincere. "Those muscles! I think you could take down an elephant by yourself!"

"Cloud…" Tifa's voice said warningly.

Predictably, Cloud didn't recognize the warning in her voice. "I mean, if you didn't look the way you did, I'd swear you're a dude! I mean, really!"

Cid didn't know whether to laugh or cry. A few seconds of silence followed, before Tifa spoke again. "Cloud, dear, can you go upstairs for a few minutes? I'll follow after you after I finish this phone conversation. I think you and I need to have a little talk."

"Okay," came Cloud's voice. "Oh, and did I tell you that your punches can give the Behemoth a run for its money? You are…"

"Upstairs, Cloud!" Tifa's voice came again, this time on the verge of hysteria. Cid heard heavy boots climbing the stairs before Tifa spoke on the receiver. "You're next," she growled, before hanging up.

Cid looked at the phone in his hands, his eyes wide. Today might just be the right day to take a visit down Mideel. He wondered how fast Shera can pack their stuff.

xxx

Thanks for the reviews so far.:D I really appreciate it. Sorry about the lack of updates, I haven't been feeling creative recently.

Inuyasha'z Girlfriend: Thanks for the suggestion! I have a bit of an idea on how to do your suggestion, but I need to think for a while to give it a comic angle.:D


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